the last month of my life has been one of the most trying journeys i have ever experienced and hope to ever have to experience again. i've been looking for ways to turn off feelings and rise above the pain. i want to make memories disappear and form a hard heart. i want to need NO ONE. i want to do anything and everything for my daughter, all on my own. i don't wanna lean. i don't wanna take. i don't wanna cut the wound and let it bleed. sometimes i cry. well, a lot actually. crying opens the wound. crying makes the pain feel better. and not leaning on people or taking from people, only makes me feel more alone. it doesn't heal.
so, i finally realized that, in order to heal and grow, i have to feel it all! since when have i been a person to turn off my feelings or mask my hurt? is it healthy for me to age another year every time i try and deal with pain? hold it all in and deal with it alone? cry in silence in my own misery... deal with it and not have a hand to hold? God places people in our lives to help us through the difficult times. to show us that we aren't alone. i believe it's His little way of sending us angels who help us heal along each path we take and each journey we make. The importance of our destiny is not WHERE we stand in the end, but WHO is standing beside us when we get there. (and i'm pretty sure i just made up an awesome quote!) that's life. that's our destiny. to begin, live and end our journeys with valuable, loving people who enrich our existence.
so, i leaned. i took. i cut the wound open and let it bleed. i had some amazing women by my side to show me what REAL love and friendship is all about. my way of thinking has changed. specifically, my views on women. instead of judging them, i'm starting to see each and every woman i meet as strong, bold and tried. we've all gone through some pretty rough spots. i believe we are so much stronger than men in so many ways. i absolutely know for a fact, that every person is placed in our lives for a reason and we are meant to open ourselves up to see what love can form. this means opening ourselves up to sisterly love just as much as, or even more than we open ourselves up to romantic love. i have experienced some of the most incredible SISTERLY bonds in the last year. i am realizing that i am blessed beyond belief to be able to have these sweet angels in my life. i would never make it without them holding my hand.
i've never been one to have many close girlfriends. i've never trusted women. this year has shown me, through the disappointments that have come from the men in my life, that women are strong, bold and faithful. we can build bonds that no man will ever be able to sever. we share laughter, memories, tears, pain, heartache and secrets that are sacred to our souls. i will NEVER be able to replace the love and friendship i've been shown through my "sisters". i'm blessed beyond measure and i am so much stronger because of them. THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME, EVEN THOUGH YOU KNOW ALL ABOUT ME. -------a tribute to my sisters. all of you. you are all so beautiful to me!
