It's one of those days... This big, nagging urge to purge my thoughts just hit me like mad while making beds. After an early morning (5:30 am to be exact) with my 4 year old, and a little morning sickness from baby #2 to boot, I have been in mental overload. AND. I. MEAN...... OVERLOAD. Everything that can possibly shift from thought to emotion has soooooo gone there. Something that's been bothering me for a while now, just hit me, and I felt the need to write/type/whatever I could get my hands on quickest.
While recapping our fun-filled weekend, adding 2 + 2 and 3 + 4, and what day comes after Monday, I was finally in the midst of a few minutes of silence to start a load of laundry and make beds. While doing the mundane things that stay-at-home-mommies do, with a smile on my face, I remembered something that set me off a week or so ago. I haven't been able to let it go. It plagues me daily.
Working moms.
Working moms and the glory they receive (and yes, the glory is due... I have much respect for working mothers). However, sometimes the snippy comments hurt and leave us "other" mothers feeling defeated. Almost all of my friends are working moms. I love them a lot. I give them virtual high fives and constantly tell them that I don't know how they do it, and "oh man, you are a strong woman to work all day and come home and tend to your children before bed". The working mom is an inspiration to me. A true inspiration. But, sometimes the working mom makes me feel guilty. Little comments here and there. Little looks I receive when they ask me what I do for a living. There's also that way they make me feel when they say, when will you go back to work and contribute to your home? That was the most recent comment, and the most hurtful.
There seems to be much less glory given to the mothers who choose to be home with their children. I know this may be a sore subject for some (believe me, it's a sore subject for me), but I feel like I have to talk about it now, or I will explode. Everything mainstream that I see is directed towards working mothers. It's fine. That's what our world is now. Most people have to have two income families to make it through. Some mothers are even doing it all by themselves, and THOSE women are true superheroes in my book. But, for the families (like mine) that could use two incomes, and instead sacrifice one of those because we feel it's important for me to be home, we are increasingly becoming outcasts. AND IT SUCKS.
You've heard me rant before about being "just a mom". I hate that. I hate that I have even said it before. I hate that people find no glorification in being a full-time wife and mother anymore. So, writing about it may help me and help you understand how I feel.
Every day, I wake up responsible for a full, entire day of entertaining, teaching and growing my child mentally. There is also the physical aspect I am responsible for: hugs and kisses for every achievement and/or boo boo. Meals and clothes and clean bathroom breaks. Constant communication with a little person who is depending on me 24 hours a day. 7 days a week. All. day. long. There are no "sick days". There are no "personal days". There is also very little family here (one family member to be exact) that can lend a helping hand when needed. This is my life as a stay-at-home mom. During the constant teaching, growing, entertaining, feeding, kissing, hugging, meals, clothes and bathroom breaks, I am also planning the rest of our lives. Paying bills, cleaning up after animals, cooking breakfast and lunch and prepping dinner. I am usually a personal secretary for my husband, running errands all over town..... with help from my little sidekick, of course! No breaks here. On the days she has soccer and dance, my duties don't slow down. Still no breaks. Still no "me" time. I do the daily duties, and then I carry her to whatever activity she's participating in that day. It's my job. I'm "just a mom". And I love every single second of it! There isn't one thing about it that I would trade.
But, why is it wrong? Being "just a mom" isn't enough. You must also leave your kid for 8 hours a day and make money in order to really count. Or at least that's how so many have made me feel. So, here's my point, and I want it to stick. Please understand:
Mothers are amazing, beautiful, warrior creatures who used their bodies to bring little humans into the world! In this way, we are all the same. We know a love with our children that can't be matched. But, it takes all kinds, and that doesn't mean the different kinds should be discriminated against. We should appreciate each other. Stick together. We need working moms, we need part-time moms, and we need full-time, stay-at-home moms to make this world go 'round! Women fought far too long to be able to work like they do, alongside men, to just give it up. Keep on doing what you do! I applaud the working mother. I applaud the amount of energy it takes to make it through your work week. I applaud your ability to handle missing your child while you conquer the world. You are an inspiration to me! But, just because women fought long and hard to work beside men doesn't mean that all of us have a place there, or even want it. Some of us are needed right here at home. It doesn't make us weird or wrong. It makes us moms......just like you.
I want to be viewed in the same manner as you. I'd love for you to see that I, too, can conquer the world from inside these walls. I can make a difference outside these walls mingling through town, spending time with other children or other families. I make a difference by teaching my child to love without exceptions. I, too, can conquer the world. I am not "just a mom". I am so much more.
Females struggle to respect each other sometimes. But, as we learn to respect each other as women, and not just the roles or titles we have as moms, we should see a shift in our abilities to unite. We're all going to be different, so there's no need for comparison. All of us do different things in our family units. Support more. Criticize less. Respect each other as co-mommies. We all bring different things to this vast mommy world. It takes all kinds, and I truly believe we should embrace all kinds...............
Loving all of the kinds,
Candle
