I may be the most emotionally, insane mom in the world. I've always been a bit to handle when it comes to dramatic emotions; but, as I sit here tonight, crying, it seems I've reached a new level. It started with some writing. Then some snuggling with my little girl. Then a chat with my mama, which prompted an enormous flood of tears. I realized I'm crying out this overwhelming burden I'm feeling. I couldn't put my finger on it and I'm still not sure if I can. After explaining how I'm feeling to my mom, I realized I'm changing. I'm heading to a different place in my life. I'm heading to this place where I won't be satisfied until I have done something. I'm being called to feel. But, feel what? Why am I so in tune lately? What am I missing?
I'm crying for humanity. I'm crying for the people I can't reach. I'm crying for all of the world that is missing the boat. Missing compassion, kindness and strength. I'm crying for the mother who doesn't get to kiss her baby goodnight anymore. And for the father who doesn't spend enough time at home. I'm crying for the little boy, Tripp, in Georgia that was nearly killed by a falling tree branch and has been fighting for his life for months. I'm crying for kids in other countries who watch their siblings/mothers/fathers being blown away by bombs. I cry for the moms I've met who want so desperately to fix their babies. They want to reverse the man-made damage done to their children for profit.
I cry for the people I've hurt and the ones who have hurt me. I cry for our world leaders. I do. I know it must be an empty, sad place when they lie down their heads at night. I cry for the misfits; but, I also cry for the conformists... I cry for every person in my brain. I cry for my family. For my friends. I cry for all of you. I cry because we have become so complacent. We have forgotten how magical we are. We forget that we all belong together. We were never meant to be at war with one each other. I think our wars are fought within, and we should seek each other to help sort those battles. How much more beauty would there be if we sought each other for growth?
So, maybe I really am just crying for everyone? But why? And why now, here lately?
The only thing I have been able to come up with, is that I am entering into a different state of awareness. A different path of consciousness, so to speak. I believe some call it, a "spiritual awakening". No, I don't believe I have any crazy powers and I don't believe I am anything special in the whole grand scheme of things. All I am meaning is that I feel life on a level much differently than I used to. And, it is very spiritual. I have always been an empathetic person, but that sense has grown dramatically. I feel things differently than I ever have, and I'm thankful. The tears are cleansing. The passion for humanity makes me feel alive. I'm okay with this change. I am inviting it. I believe my life has been a whirlwind up until my 30th birthday, and I think it has finally found it's slowing down point. This is a place where I might finally find myself. At this rate, I am hoping to find myself among all of you. If I'm feeling this much pain, grief, happiness, fear, etc. then I hope it's all for something. Although, these emotions can be confusing and extremely overwhelming, I would never want to go back. And, I honestly don't think you can ever go back once you're here...
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