Not so soccer mom

I absolutely could not wait for my daughter to be three!  Not because I wanted her to grow up any faster, but because of all of the fun things she could participate in!  This is the age where she can start most recreational sports and activities in our town.  Dance, tee-ball, soccer, etc.  I was elated to get her signed up for soccer because she has so much energy and I knew she would benefit from such an endurance based sport.  It was all for fun.  We started in the fall, and she spent most of the season warming up to the idea of being on a team.  We didn't have too many successful days on the field in the fall of 2012, but we went, she played with her friends, ran around during games, and practiced with the other boys.  Yes, boys.  She was THE only girl on her team.  That part was also a little hard to get used to.

Fast forward to Spring 2013.  We sign her up again.  Now, she is this social butterfly, sweet and tenderhearted, and loves the other children.  Sometimes she gets a little off focus on the field (which really, what three year old doesn't, at some point?).  While everyone else is chasing the ball, you can find her running with the pack, up close to the ball, or sometimes you can find her running along staring at the sky and smiling.  She really is such a beautiful little soul.  This is something I never want to break her of.  Soccer is supposed to be for fun.  Soccer is supposed to help her learn to play on a team, discover athletic skills, get her some nice play time and vitamin d; but, most importantly, it should boost her self-esteem and confidence.  We cheer her on and encourage her to go after the ball, but let's face it... she is three years old.  All of the children she plays with are only three and four years old.  Thus, making this a hilarious, enjoyable, nice, hour long show :)  We get such a kick out of watching these little kids be KIDS. 

And sooooooo, here comes my frustration:

As I sit through the first practice of the season last week, my husband by my side, (this part was nice because the first season I sat completely alone, as he was out of town working all week, every week) I start to notice some pretty disturbing things from the neighboring team.  

***Let me give you a little background info on soccer at the YMCA.  Anyone with children ages three and up can sign up their children.  I think the ages go up to ten years old.  But, for the younger children (like mine) they are there to learn to play.  Basic team skills.  Basic soccer.  Basic three and four year old fun.  During practices, two teams practice on one field, each using one half of the field to practice.  From what I noticed in the fall season, the teams seemed pretty evenly matched, and most parents seemed to be doing this together, for the first time.  The teams are supposed to have anywhere from 6-8 players and they are all supposed to be decently, fairly matched.  Well, from what I'm seeing in Spring 2013, this is far from the case.***

Back to our neighboring team.........

So, I'm sitting with my husband at practice number one, first day.  He looks at me and asks, "Honey, I thought you said our team had 8 players"?  Well, of course our roster said we did.  I will look into who is missing and what is going on here.  Right about that time, I notice that the team next to us had 10 kids.  TEN KIDS Y'ALL!  That's a whole lot of three and four year old craziness.  But, ok.  More power to ya coach.  Problem is, one of those kids had been taken from our team and put on theirs because the parents got torn up over the PERFECT team.  Yes, we found this out due to eaves dropping as well.  We were missing a kid because they took him.  Now we barely have enough children to make a team, and they have TEN.  This was the first of many harsh realizations we had to endure that night.  

Next, was having to sit and listen to the moms on the other team talk about their children and how each of their children knew each other and only played together in this one little special group.  One lady talked about what her gender preference was for child number 2 (she was pregnant) and how she already had this child's life laid out as well.  The other mother is talking about how they can all get their children enrolled in the same classes at the local private preschool.  The men are standing back, on their cell phones, conducting business, or just avoiding their fatherly/husband duties, whilst the wives are chatting about life in suburbia and their kids are being trained/drilled by a man who seems to think he coaches college ball.  It was disgusting.  My husband would lean over and ask, "Are you catching all of this"?  Sadly, I was.  The mothers of the "robot" kids kept shooting our team "the look", as if we were some sort of misfit parents and we weren't cool enough to be TRUE soccer moms and dads.  Truly pitiful.  Their children ran intense drills with little to no fun, or room for error.  You could see that they knew the coach outside of practice and all of the children knew each other as well.  (Remember, these teams are supposed to be picked randomly to offer fairness on the field).  

This may all seem trivial, and why the hell are you writing a blog about some silly kids soccer?  Who cares?  It's just kids and parents and this stuff is normal.  So what.  Quit your bitching.  

-TRUST ME, I HAVE A POINT.  I AM GETTING TO IT-

Finally, after practice we hear the coach of these tiny kids saying to the parents, "Yeah, i have a super stacked team this season.  Ya know, everyone requested me as coach and so, my team is huge and we couldn't even put anyone else on it, but I have THE stacked team."

*Ok, I have a competitive streak.  But, that came with age.  Growth.  Responsibility.  I do not care if my child wins or loses one single game at three years old.  We have a coach out there who talks about having a "stacked team".  Of three and four year olds?!?  Dude, are you serious?  Do you hear what you said?  While you're running these drills down these children's throats during practice, you are creating little competitive, robot, bullies.*

Next practice, that team moved.  All the way to the other end of the practice fields.  And they were given a special, whole big field all to themselves.  They have special goals, and they also get the whole field.  The moms and dads have lobbied to take even more children to stack the already ten player team they've built, but haven't succeeded.  

Here's my RANT.  My moral to this lengthy story:

In my honest opinion (which I'm sure is going to piss someone off), THESE parents are everything that is wrong with our children.  You get pregnant.  You pop them out.  You mold them to be these little people with YOUR personalities.  Once they hit a certain age, you quit worrying they will develop as they need to, and realize you have succeeded in your robot mold.  You can sit through practice, chatting with the other desperate housewives, while not paying one ounce of attention to the field, your child, or the coach.  You have molded a perfect little world.  A perfect little society of your favorite soccer mommies and kids. 

Now, don't get me wrong, I love the other moms on my kid's team.  And we chat and laugh and they are really nice people to be around.  And yes, two of them were previous friends.  But, I met all of the rest of them through the program.  We went potluck with our choices and got lucky.  We won't try to lobby for some super, mega team.  We don't sit around talking about our little "society" while practice is taking place.  We bs about the kids. How adorable they are and how far they've come.  Every now and then, something else will seep up in our convos, but we don't dwell on those topics.  We get too distracted by our purpose for being there... ya know... the kids?  Our kids!?

Here's what I'm asking... 

is life really this political?  Does it really begin this early?  Are parents really pushing children to make little societies at the ages of three and four?  

Because I promise you, these children are learning from their parents' decisions.  

"You can only play with these types of kids.  You can only go to school at these schools and we only want you in this teacher's class and on this coaches team.  And you have to look like all of the other little kids you play with."  

The cliques!  Y'all, we complain about bullies and cliques and teenagers all day long; but, we are often the reason it begins... and it begins at this age!  This young age!  

These little kids are watching their mothers sit, and judge, and push an image of perfection.  They are watching their parents use coercion and power to get what they want.  They are learning ENTITLEMENT.  These kids have nothing else to go on, other than what their parents are showing them.  Hell, they can't even get an outside source of influence, because the coach is in the circle, along with the teacher, the preacher, and their friends' parents.  It's this pattern.  This pattern makes me scared for those children, and mine.  

This epiphany has sickened me.  I have been dying to write about it since it took place last week, but I have remained hesitant until today.  I'm writing, mostly as a reminder to myself.  A reminder to let my child be a human being.  Children are smart.  They need our love and guidance, but not our force.  If I find myself in a mess where I am ever trying to mold my daughter (or future children) into some little image I have preconceived, I hope someone will sit me down and smack me in the face.  

Let's please be more aware of the influence we have in the lives of our babies.  Let's make the effort to make them lovers, not haters.  I urge you to try and keep your negative opinions of other parents and their children to yourselves.  Every time we judge anyone else in front of our kids, we are adding a piece of OUR prejudices to their little, developing minds.  Let's try together.  Let's really really try. 

With lots and lots of big love, 

Candle